I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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