My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
