I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
