I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
