You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
