No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
