Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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