I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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