He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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