No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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