The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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