The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
