I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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