dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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