I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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