youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
