On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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