i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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