You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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