Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
