he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
