It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
