I feel great
I just peed on a car
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
