literally had 100 drinks last night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize