I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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