There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
