here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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