Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
