yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
