things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
