R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
