if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
