i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
