This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
