once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
