Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
