A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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