u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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