This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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