you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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