No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
