Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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