direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
