i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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