We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
