Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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