Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
vagina is talking i cant
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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