i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's always time for handjobs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
