It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*