break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
