Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing