he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
