My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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