GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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