gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
