Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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