Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
