Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Duck Duck Cougar?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
