So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
