At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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