I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
