Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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