Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize