Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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