cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize