I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
