I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
