Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
